~Success~

I was just an average student in my entire academic years. Yup, at some point I struggled in my college years for a 2.0 grade (passing grade in Silliman University) am partly to blame because of my “happy-go-lucky” lifestyle… but lucky enough I never had a failing grade… I just love to settle on a passing grade till my post grad years. I’ve never experienced going up on stage for a bunch of medals or certificates of recognition. I’ve never experienced anything close to that. But here’s the thing, in this game of life… success is not all about the number of medals or awards you get nor about the number of times you went up on stage for an achievement award. For me, success is measured by the lives we have touched. What good things we do for others despite our limitations. Success is all about the work/task/job we do with integrity.

Success is neither riches nor gold. Success is about cuts and bruises, it is all about the scars we get while reaching the finish line. Success is not only for the gifted… it is for the brave hearts ready to get bullied, ready to face countless rejections and yet never surrender.

Though you feel like you are just an average person believe that you can always outwit the gifted-smartest ones by doing the best in everything that you do with integrity, with pride, and with a heart. ❤

(c) quirky

~Counting Steps~

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Ready?
On the count of three…
One… two… but
Wait… wait…
I can’t… I just can’t go on without leaving a short note…
A note with a gentle tone and simple strokes of humor
From this sturdy pen
For the sake of moving on
Proving that we can be wrong
We’re both pathetic
Caring for the careless
Clearing their confound mess
Surrendering to being reckless
We’re both horrendous fools
Believing lies after lies
Denying the truest truth…
A plain fact that we can’t have the ones we love
But we keep chasing them
Hastening the race
Ending up losing
Your battle with her
Mine with you
Ready?
On the count of three…
Am more convinced to set you free
Whilst nurturing this fruitless tree
Hoping someday your mind will change
And feel your heart in closer range
But reality speaks volumes
Fair and convincing that…
I am the lover you took for granted
You are the pursuer she left for gold
We’re both crippled afraid to heal
Always taking a u-turn
Scared our paths will cross again
I may not be able to mend completely
Are you ready?
Am I ready?
On the count of three…
One… two…
I must run…
Runaway from here
Runaway from you
Runaway from love
One… two… three… go!

(c) Quirkyshine

That single thingy thing…

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“Are you waiting for someone?” my friend asked me

In all honesty, yes and I will never ever settle for less now.

I am waiting for the one who will end this mediocrity. One who values quality time and spend his life in serving our Lord. Waiting for the one who gives up his pride and humbles himself before our God. One whose knees are anointed for a prayerful man is worth waiting for. 

I am waiting… yes waiting for the one who dares to take the lead… whose decisions I have full respect. Who’s wise enough to make a reasonable choice and bold enough to face reality. I will love the one who’s proud of his talents and skills – blessed is he whose confidence is in our God.

I am waiting… yes waiting for a dedicated home builder – an extremely devoted life artist, who practically fulfills his calling as a man of faith. One whose pockets aren’t rotten. One whose happiness cannot be found in swindling and gambling. For God really loves a selfless and responsible man.

I shouldn’t be disheartened if I have to wait a lifetime… I must love someone… love a follower of Christ… someone who brings out the best in me… who plants kindness and gentleness in my heart… whose spirituality is impenetrable… whose teachings are far greater than the wise… someone who’s an antidote to my unsound mind. I must choose the one who commits his life to God’s missions…. whose life is in His words… who seeks His face to find grace… for God bless a Christ-like man.

And yes I am waiting for someone… someone with a pure heart and serene mind…  a good soul… whose love I can completely enjoy. ❤

© quirkyshine

image: https://img.thedailybeast.com/image/upload/c_crop,d_placeholder_euli9k,h_1439,w_2560,x_0,y_0/dpr_2.0/c_limit,w_740/fl_lossy,q_auto/v1492195711/articles/2014/09/05/flower-crowns-are-phony-and-must-die/140905-lieberman-crown-tease_shjwwm

 

 

~8 Minutes of No Heartbeat~

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I guess it’s a healthy habit to travel back in time once in a while and do reflections on some important events in our lives – events that weren’t pleasant at all and yet can be a piece of gem when we turn it into something beautiful. Life is short but are we fully aware of it? What do you know about life? What do I know? Probably this is one of the many reasons why I was called to write a post about my story and why God made me a writer. It has always been about “life”, “love”, and “the value of time”.

“Nodular Sclerosis – Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma” (NS-CHL) a name that scared off my family and friends. Lymphoma is the most common blood cancer and there are many types of it. Mine was the most common subtype of Hodgkin Lymphoma but it nearly killed me. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was diagnosed with it and having treatment, but that was 4 years ago. It was August of 2012 when I felt some of its symptoms, I had difficulty in breathing and swallowing, and according to the tests, I had a tumor growing inside my throat as big as a regular body soap. I couldn’t imagine that huge awful thing was blocking my food and air ways. A total of 11 months of battle; 12 days in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) just to resolve my breathing problems; and 4 times I passed out – my heartbeat dropped flat, doctors had to revive me.

How does it feel to die? It was a beautiful experience actually. All I could remember was an intense chest pain that I had to draw a heart to inform the nurses around me of the unbearable pain and then suddenly I could not recall anything – I guess death is really the end of pain. There were no visions, no bright lights, no clouds, no stairways, no other realm, no other world, not even sea of fire. Unlike those near death stories, mine was not focused on what I saw but what I learned from that 8 minutes of no heartbeat.

Yes, 8 minutes of no heartbeat. No vision of heaven at all and yet the moment I opened my eyes, I saw angels in white uniform and white coat, I saw God weeping for me through my family who were there at that moment, I heard His voice – telling me, “dear daughter, you were given another life so make a little heaven, live, and make someone feel better.

I didn’t see any bright lights but that 8 minutes of darkness brought me to a different dimension. It is not what we see when we die but what we do with our lives in preparation for eternity.

Neither clouds nor stairways – what is heaven like? Is heaven real? that 8 minutes of no heartbeat and then was revived in time, I believe there’s a purpose or a reason for everything. Heaven is just waiting out there, but we can be someone’s heaven, someone’s angel, and someone’s blessing making them feel that heaven is real. That we live in a chaotic world but we can be an answer to someone’s prayers.

There are no other realms, no other world, not even sea of fire because we have the power to choose. We can live miserably, we can choose not to live, but we have the control, while we are alive, while we can – we can always choose to live happily and be at peace with anyone. We have the power to heal and the power to bring healing to people’s lives.

I am truly grateful for that experience – it is an experience worth sharing. Something worth remembering.

Trials are like tumors in different forms and we have to embrace the nature of its malignancy. Things can go wrong but if we dwell on it for so long, we’ll surely miss the beauty of life.

Death is beautiful – there is nothing to fear. But let’s wait for our time and prepare for it. Make most of our lives and be an inspiration to everyone. We always have the choice even at the point of death. September is Lymphoma awareness month and also my birth month – got so many things to celebrate. But if there is one thing… just one thing to be victorious about… that is my gift of life. Thank you for the time and for reading my post and May God bless us all.

© quirkyshine

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And August Was His Name… 

August…

Heart drowned in disdain…

When July tore my pride to pieces,

The summer dews like tears of June,

Await to fall on mid September

My love will stay as cold as winter,

Missing your smile that springs eternal hope

Be nice to me dear August…

In your arms, I want to rest.
(c) quirky

~This is Life~

It’s quite hard to serve two masters at the same time. At some point I have to make a decision and have to let go of something that I really love to do. I have to give up on one dream in order to cater what is really needed as of the moment. 
Okay… okay… fine! I am not really giving up nor ditching some good opportunities but maybe putting that dream on hold. My wise old man archetype is telling me that “hey! Wake up to reality and move in to that direction – pointing to that other door”. 

Should I follow that realistic intuition? What’s behind that door? A good life? Travel opportunities? Happiness? Career? Love?  Heaven? God knows how much I wanna invest on genuine happiness and with the all the gifts and talents He bestowed upon me, I wanna use it for His glory.

“For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.” -Matthew 25:29
“In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.” Sheldon Kopp
I am indeed accountable for my future and for all the blessings I received from God. And so here I am – about to open that door. One day my bucket list will start checking itself because I made the right choice. 

So am taking a long hiatus from writing as I am patiently building another empire for my other dreams. The title, the job, the places I wanted to visit, the stories I wanted to write, the happiness and peace inside my heart… one day… one day… that door… that door… will open…
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“This is Life!”
(c) Quirkyshine 

~It’s You~


Please, don’t  be just a memory…

Silent wishes of the heart

Hoping this love will last

Forever, for keeps, for life

Eternity is not enough

Yes, it’s you… I want

To have

To hold

In craziness and

In sanity

It’s you… I need

My unfeigned reflection

My heart keeper

My emotional balance

It’s love… I’d die for

And you know how much I love you

It’s happiness…I yearn for

Every second, every minute, every hour…

With you 

It’s your smile… I don’t want to miss in the future

I’d give up riches and fortune

To try my luck and bet on you

It’s you… It’s  you…

I ever dreamed of 

In all tomorrows

In every sunrise and sunset

In all good night kisses and morning tickles

It’s  you… it’s you…

A reality I fantasize all day

The truth I’d hope to hear

The doubt I’d like to believe

Please, don’t be just  a memory…

It’s you… it’s you

My happily ever after
(c) quirkyshine

~The Traveller~

One day…

You will forget me

My smile… my giggles will all be part of your history.

~

Aching, stinging, gruelling

In a flash, you’ll miss my lips

Why they thirst to kiss you in the first place

~

You moan, you weep, you wail

I will be your worst apology

The hardest chord to play on your guitar

~

I will never be the same

Not the love in your mind

Not the vow written in your heart

Not the memory in your timeline

~

One day…

You will forget the truth

How I always remember the details of your soul

All your faded shades

Tainted fictions of your past

~

One day…

I will be a dream

The space in between

The obscure image before your eyes

~

One day

I will be gone

Your most hurtful goodbye

~

I am but a traveller in your world

Pointing into your direction

Invading the privacy of your letters

Sneaking into your verses

~

Time has come to sail away

Go the distance

I know you will forget me easily

You never said and I was never meant to “STAY”
(c) Quirkyshine 

~Please Come Back Home Safely~

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My Dearest Hero,

I am so proud to call you mine but you…you don’t belong to me. I wish I could be there for you, be your smile while you trail some battlefields, be your tears while you cease their fears, be your aid when you feel afraid, and be your hero while you save their lives. I’ll fight alongside perils as much as you do but you’ll be with your troops and I’ll be on my own. I’ll be awake all night building sweet memories of you, dreaming many dreams till the breeze wake me up to reality – a reality that could possibly break my heart.

I cannot hold you long but you always have my heart. I cannot keep you close forever but my prayers are always with you. I may or may not see you again but in my thoughts, you’re always around.

I promise to look after you – not what I can touch or see but what I can feel. Whenever you miss me just look up to the sky, I’ll be somewhere in those spaces reminiscing our love. You’re always free my love, you’re not mine for keeps, but let me love you in difficult times, love you in inevitable calamities. As you give your life, your heart, and your soul for everyone’s safety and for peace, I’ll be here praying for your return. This is a terrifying risk to take for I may not kiss you awake. (But please come home safe)

Yours truly,

One who loves you forever

*dedicated to wives and loved ones of our soldiers in Marawi City fighting against some terrorist group.

image: google