~Clarity~

My heart starts to believe again…
To embrace this bliss
Should I let go of my fears?
The walls I built, the  boundaries I set
If I give you my heart
Will you take good care of it?
From morning hellos to sweetest good nights and every story you tell
Gave me something to hope for
That I may have found
The clarity that would clear every doubt in my head
Because right this very moment
I feel so at peace
Looking up the skies
Knowing someone out there
Cares enough to bring back the happy soul I once was

(c) quirkyshine

~No Traces~

Tonight, there is something to reminisce…
Of a love, of a boy, of a heartache
Still a bit clueless but I know there is something to remember…
Mine heart not easy to forget
Mind cares of who had left
Every night I want nothing more
But to mend this regret
Leave traces of him behind
Tonight, let it be the night
To send off memories to the sky
Consume my thoughts with all the “what ifs and should haves”
Till I get tired…
Till I get lost…
Till I run out of reasons
Tonight, is the night
To put these feelings to sleep
And to wake up one day
With no flashing histories
Cause the only thing I know is just his name

(c) quirkyshine

June 15, 2019

~9 o’clock pm~

Everytime I close my eyes
I see different scenarios
Of you, of us…
of breaking apart…
of you loving someone else…
of me struggling to breathe
Of you regretting…
of me moving on…
Yes, so many stories in mind…
so many thoughts run wild…

Then slowly fade
When I fall asleep.

(c) Quirkyshine

~8 Minutes of No Heartbeat~

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I guess it’s a healthy habit to travel back in time once in a while and do reflections on some important events in our lives – events that weren’t pleasant at all and yet can be a piece of gem when we turn it into something beautiful. Life is short but are we fully aware of it? What do you know about life? What do I know? Probably this is one of the many reasons why I was called to write a post about my story and why God made me a writer. It has always been about “life”, “love”, and “the value of time”.

“Nodular Sclerosis – Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma” (NS-CHL) a name that scared off my family and friends. Lymphoma is the most common blood cancer and there are many types of it. Mine was the most common subtype of Hodgkin Lymphoma but it nearly killed me. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was diagnosed with it and having treatment, but that was 4 years ago. It was August of 2012 when I felt some of its symptoms, I had difficulty in breathing and swallowing, and according to the tests, I had a tumor growing inside my throat as big as a regular body soap. I couldn’t imagine that huge awful thing was blocking my food and air ways. A total of 11 months of battle; 12 days in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) just to resolve my breathing problems; and 4 times I passed out – my heartbeat dropped flat, doctors had to revive me.

How does it feel to die? It was a beautiful experience actually. All I could remember was an intense chest pain that I had to draw a heart to inform the nurses around me of the unbearable pain and then suddenly I could not recall anything – I guess death is really the end of pain. There were no visions, no bright lights, no clouds, no stairways, no other realm, no other world, not even sea of fire. Unlike those near death stories, mine was not focused on what I saw but what I learned from that 8 minutes of no heartbeat.

Yes, 8 minutes of no heartbeat. No vision of heaven at all and yet the moment I opened my eyes, I saw angels in white uniform and white coat, I saw God weeping for me through my family who were there at that moment, I heard His voice – telling me, “dear daughter, you were given another life so make a little heaven, live, and make someone feel better.

I didn’t see any bright lights but that 8 minutes of darkness brought me to a different dimension. It is not what we see when we die but what we do with our lives in preparation for eternity.

Neither clouds nor stairways – what is heaven like? Is heaven real? that 8 minutes of no heartbeat and then was revived in time, I believe there’s a purpose or a reason for everything. Heaven is just waiting out there, but we can be someone’s heaven, someone’s angel, and someone’s blessing making them feel that heaven is real. That we live in a chaotic world but we can be an answer to someone’s prayers.

There are no other realms, no other world, not even sea of fire because we have the power to choose. We can live miserably, we can choose not to live, but we have the control, while we are alive, while we can – we can always choose to live happily and be at peace with anyone. We have the power to heal and the power to bring healing to people’s lives.

I am truly grateful for that experience – it is an experience worth sharing. Something worth remembering.

Trials are like tumors in different forms and we have to embrace the nature of its malignancy. Things can go wrong but if we dwell on it for so long, we’ll surely miss the beauty of life.

Death is beautiful – there is nothing to fear. But let’s wait for our time and prepare for it. Make most of our lives and be an inspiration to everyone. We always have the choice even at the point of death. September is Lymphoma awareness month and also my birth month – got so many things to celebrate. But if there is one thing… just one thing to be victorious about… that is my gift of life. Thank you for the time and for reading my post and May God bless us all.

© quirkyshine

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And August Was His Name… 

August…

Heart drowned in disdain…

When July tore my pride to pieces,

The summer dews like tears of June,

Await to fall on mid September

My love will stay as cold as winter,

Missing your smile that springs eternal hope

Be nice to me dear August…

In your arms, I want to rest.
(c) quirky

~It’s You~


Please, don’t  be just a memory…

Silent wishes of the heart

Hoping this love will last

Forever, for keeps, for life

Eternity is not enough

Yes, it’s you… I want

To have

To hold

In craziness and

In sanity

It’s you… I need

My unfeigned reflection

My heart keeper

My emotional balance

It’s love… I’d die for

And you know how much I love you

It’s happiness…I yearn for

Every second, every minute, every hour…

With you 

It’s your smile… I don’t want to miss in the future

I’d give up riches and fortune

To try my luck and bet on you

It’s you… It’s  you…

I ever dreamed of 

In all tomorrows

In every sunrise and sunset

In all good night kisses and morning tickles

It’s  you… it’s you…

A reality I fantasize all day

The truth I’d hope to hear

The doubt I’d like to believe

Please, don’t be just  a memory…

It’s you… it’s you

My happily ever after
(c) quirkyshine

~KD at Heart~

You have my heart in every game you play…

From a fearless thunder to a mighty warrior

You were made to outwit the king

And rise above that glowing ring

Plain and simple, you have your own way

Turning shots into points

Dribbling love inside the war zone

You give your strength to your teammates, that’s how you do

In every battle you amaze the fandom

The way you run, you shoot, you drive

But this time, you drive dubnation insane

You’re always “Big Chucky’s” pride

The reason behind jersey thirty five

To some people, it’s just a number

To you, it’s a beautiful memory to keep forever

Gone but not forgotten

He’s always the coach painted in your soul

Dear KD,

I won’t let this moment pass…

Without making few fast breaks

Thanking you for all the thrills and tears

I wanna make this run and shoot rightly before the season finale

I guess I will always be a “KD at heart”

A big fan of you – “Kevin Durant”
(c) Quirkyshine

Realization…


“We fall in love by chance… we stay in love by choice” … and moving on is also a choice. I knew it was time to change the course of my life. Terrifying as it seems to take small/baby steps but I hate standing on the same ground and I don’t want to commit the same mistakes. I understand there are no guarantees in life and sometimes fighting for that one thing that makes us happy makes no sense at all. 

Looking at all the benefits of keeping my distance, I know it will save my heart from serious wreckage. All the signs pointed to one realization, I need to maintain a healthy boundary between us. People change, feelings as well. Should I listen to that little voice? Should I learn to trust my instincts? It may be hard to draw the line that would separate my wants from my needs but am done loving the wrong people.

 ©quirkyshine

~The Traveller~

One day…

You will forget me

My smile… my giggles will all be part of your history.

~

Aching, stinging, gruelling

In a flash, you’ll miss my lips

Why they thirst to kiss you in the first place

~

You moan, you weep, you wail

I will be your worst apology

The hardest chord to play on your guitar

~

I will never be the same

Not the love in your mind

Not the vow written in your heart

Not the memory in your timeline

~

One day…

You will forget the truth

How I always remember the details of your soul

All your faded shades

Tainted fictions of your past

~

One day…

I will be a dream

The space in between

The obscure image before your eyes

~

One day

I will be gone

Your most hurtful goodbye

~

I am but a traveller in your world

Pointing into your direction

Invading the privacy of your letters

Sneaking into your verses

~

Time has come to sail away

Go the distance

I know you will forget me easily

You never said and I was never meant to “STAY”
(c) Quirkyshine 

​~Defying Gravity~


No more clouds of doubts…

I should start trusting my instincts

You are someone worth keeping

Someone worth loving

But I am too coward to give a try

I love you, yes I really do

Yet no sign you feel the same way too

I should defy gravity

Stop my heart from falling for you 

Defy what nature’s calling for I am not expecting anything in return…

I’m just happy… just happy

Love lives in me
(c) Quirkyshine 
Image: google