~Success~

I was just an average student in my entire academic years. Yup, at some point I struggled in my college years for a 2.0 grade (passing grade in Silliman University) am partly to blame because of my “happy-go-lucky” lifestyle… but lucky enough I never had a failing grade… I just love to settle on a passing grade till my post grad years. I’ve never experienced going up on stage for a bunch of medals or certificates of recognition. I’ve never experienced anything close to that. But here’s the thing, in this game of life… success is not all about the number of medals or awards you get nor about the number of times you went up on stage for an achievement award. For me, success is measured by the lives we have touched. What good things we do for others despite our limitations. Success is all about the work/task/job we do with integrity.

Success is neither riches nor gold. Success is about cuts and bruises, it is all about the scars we get while reaching the finish line. Success is not only for the gifted… it is for the brave hearts ready to get bullied, ready to face countless rejections and yet never surrender.

Though you feel like you are just an average person believe that you can always outwit the gifted-smartest ones by doing the best in everything that you do with integrity, with pride, and with a heart. ❤

(c) quirky

That single thingy thing…

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“Are you waiting for someone?” my friend asked me

In all honesty, yes and I will never ever settle for less now.

I am waiting for the one who will end this mediocrity. One who values quality time and spend his life in serving our Lord. Waiting for the one who gives up his pride and humbles himself before our God. One whose knees are anointed for a prayerful man is worth waiting for. 

I am waiting… yes waiting for the one who dares to take the lead… whose decisions I have full respect. Who’s wise enough to make a reasonable choice and bold enough to face reality. I will love the one who’s proud of his talents and skills – blessed is he whose confidence is in our God.

I am waiting… yes waiting for a dedicated home builder – an extremely devoted life artist, who practically fulfills his calling as a man of faith. One whose pockets aren’t rotten. One whose happiness cannot be found in swindling and gambling. For God really loves a selfless and responsible man.

I shouldn’t be disheartened if I have to wait a lifetime… I must love someone… love a follower of Christ… someone who brings out the best in me… who plants kindness and gentleness in my heart… whose spirituality is impenetrable… whose teachings are far greater than the wise… someone who’s an antidote to my unsound mind. I must choose the one who commits his life to God’s missions…. whose life is in His words… who seeks His face to find grace… for God bless a Christ-like man.

And yes I am waiting for someone… someone with a pure heart and serene mind…  a good soul… whose love I can completely enjoy. ❤

© quirkyshine

image: https://img.thedailybeast.com/image/upload/c_crop,d_placeholder_euli9k,h_1439,w_2560,x_0,y_0/dpr_2.0/c_limit,w_740/fl_lossy,q_auto/v1492195711/articles/2014/09/05/flower-crowns-are-phony-and-must-die/140905-lieberman-crown-tease_shjwwm

 

 

~8 Minutes of No Heartbeat~

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I guess it’s a healthy habit to travel back in time once in a while and do reflections on some important events in our lives – events that weren’t pleasant at all and yet can be a piece of gem when we turn it into something beautiful. Life is short but are we fully aware of it? What do you know about life? What do I know? Probably this is one of the many reasons why I was called to write a post about my story and why God made me a writer. It has always been about “life”, “love”, and “the value of time”.

“Nodular Sclerosis – Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma” (NS-CHL) a name that scared off my family and friends. Lymphoma is the most common blood cancer and there are many types of it. Mine was the most common subtype of Hodgkin Lymphoma but it nearly killed me. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was diagnosed with it and having treatment, but that was 4 years ago. It was August of 2012 when I felt some of its symptoms, I had difficulty in breathing and swallowing, and according to the tests, I had a tumor growing inside my throat as big as a regular body soap. I couldn’t imagine that huge awful thing was blocking my food and air ways. A total of 11 months of battle; 12 days in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) just to resolve my breathing problems; and 4 times I passed out – my heartbeat dropped flat, doctors had to revive me.

How does it feel to die? It was a beautiful experience actually. All I could remember was an intense chest pain that I had to draw a heart to inform the nurses around me of the unbearable pain and then suddenly I could not recall anything – I guess death is really the end of pain. There were no visions, no bright lights, no clouds, no stairways, no other realm, no other world, not even sea of fire. Unlike those near death stories, mine was not focused on what I saw but what I learned from that 8 minutes of no heartbeat.

Yes, 8 minutes of no heartbeat. No vision of heaven at all and yet the moment I opened my eyes, I saw angels in white uniform and white coat, I saw God weeping for me through my family who were there at that moment, I heard His voice – telling me, “dear daughter, you were given another life so make a little heaven, live, and make someone feel better.

I didn’t see any bright lights but that 8 minutes of darkness brought me to a different dimension. It is not what we see when we die but what we do with our lives in preparation for eternity.

Neither clouds nor stairways – what is heaven like? Is heaven real? that 8 minutes of no heartbeat and then was revived in time, I believe there’s a purpose or a reason for everything. Heaven is just waiting out there, but we can be someone’s heaven, someone’s angel, and someone’s blessing making them feel that heaven is real. That we live in a chaotic world but we can be an answer to someone’s prayers.

There are no other realms, no other world, not even sea of fire because we have the power to choose. We can live miserably, we can choose not to live, but we have the control, while we are alive, while we can – we can always choose to live happily and be at peace with anyone. We have the power to heal and the power to bring healing to people’s lives.

I am truly grateful for that experience – it is an experience worth sharing. Something worth remembering.

Trials are like tumors in different forms and we have to embrace the nature of its malignancy. Things can go wrong but if we dwell on it for so long, we’ll surely miss the beauty of life.

Death is beautiful – there is nothing to fear. But let’s wait for our time and prepare for it. Make most of our lives and be an inspiration to everyone. We always have the choice even at the point of death. September is Lymphoma awareness month and also my birth month – got so many things to celebrate. But if there is one thing… just one thing to be victorious about… that is my gift of life. Thank you for the time and for reading my post and May God bless us all.

© quirkyshine

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~This is Life~

It’s quite hard to serve two masters at the same time. At some point I have to make a decision and have to let go of something that I really love to do. I have to give up on one dream in order to cater what is really needed as of the moment. 
Okay… okay… fine! I am not really giving up nor ditching some good opportunities but maybe putting that dream on hold. My wise old man archetype is telling me that “hey! Wake up to reality and move in to that direction – pointing to that other door”. 

Should I follow that realistic intuition? What’s behind that door? A good life? Travel opportunities? Happiness? Career? Love?  Heaven? God knows how much I wanna invest on genuine happiness and with the all the gifts and talents He bestowed upon me, I wanna use it for His glory.

“For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.” -Matthew 25:29
“In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.” Sheldon Kopp
I am indeed accountable for my future and for all the blessings I received from God. And so here I am – about to open that door. One day my bucket list will start checking itself because I made the right choice. 

So am taking a long hiatus from writing as I am patiently building another empire for my other dreams. The title, the job, the places I wanted to visit, the stories I wanted to write, the happiness and peace inside my heart… one day… one day… that door… that door… will open…
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“This is Life!”
(c) Quirkyshine 

~It’s You~


Please, don’t  be just a memory…

Silent wishes of the heart

Hoping this love will last

Forever, for keeps, for life

Eternity is not enough

Yes, it’s you… I want

To have

To hold

In craziness and

In sanity

It’s you… I need

My unfeigned reflection

My heart keeper

My emotional balance

It’s love… I’d die for

And you know how much I love you

It’s happiness…I yearn for

Every second, every minute, every hour…

With you 

It’s your smile… I don’t want to miss in the future

I’d give up riches and fortune

To try my luck and bet on you

It’s you… It’s  you…

I ever dreamed of 

In all tomorrows

In every sunrise and sunset

In all good night kisses and morning tickles

It’s  you… it’s you…

A reality I fantasize all day

The truth I’d hope to hear

The doubt I’d like to believe

Please, don’t be just  a memory…

It’s you… it’s you

My happily ever after
(c) quirkyshine

Realization…


“We fall in love by chance… we stay in love by choice” … and moving on is also a choice. I knew it was time to change the course of my life. Terrifying as it seems to take small/baby steps but I hate standing on the same ground and I don’t want to commit the same mistakes. I understand there are no guarantees in life and sometimes fighting for that one thing that makes us happy makes no sense at all. 

Looking at all the benefits of keeping my distance, I know it will save my heart from serious wreckage. All the signs pointed to one realization, I need to maintain a healthy boundary between us. People change, feelings as well. Should I listen to that little voice? Should I learn to trust my instincts? It may be hard to draw the line that would separate my wants from my needs but am done loving the wrong people.

 ©quirkyshine

~The Traveller~

One day…

You will forget me

My smile… my giggles will all be part of your history.

~

Aching, stinging, gruelling

In a flash, you’ll miss my lips

Why they thirst to kiss you in the first place

~

You moan, you weep, you wail

I will be your worst apology

The hardest chord to play on your guitar

~

I will never be the same

Not the love in your mind

Not the vow written in your heart

Not the memory in your timeline

~

One day…

You will forget the truth

How I always remember the details of your soul

All your faded shades

Tainted fictions of your past

~

One day…

I will be a dream

The space in between

The obscure image before your eyes

~

One day

I will be gone

Your most hurtful goodbye

~

I am but a traveller in your world

Pointing into your direction

Invading the privacy of your letters

Sneaking into your verses

~

Time has come to sail away

Go the distance

I know you will forget me easily

You never said and I was never meant to “STAY”
(c) Quirkyshine 

​~Defying Gravity~


No more clouds of doubts…

I should start trusting my instincts

You are someone worth keeping

Someone worth loving

But I am too coward to give a try

I love you, yes I really do

Yet no sign you feel the same way too

I should defy gravity

Stop my heart from falling for you 

Defy what nature’s calling for I am not expecting anything in return…

I’m just happy… just happy

Love lives in me
(c) Quirkyshine 
Image: google

​~Admission~

Truth be told…

Even though my heart denies everything…

The emotions

The sudden beating 

The unexplained excitement

That I cannot contest what it feels at the moment.

That somewhere in my dreams I found relief from this unforeseen catastrophe.

That before love becomes an unavoidable casualty it needs thorough attention.

A phenomenon in my life I need to embrace…

Surrendering to the fact… that I’m falling for you.
(c) Quirkyshine ❤❤❤

Image: google 

~Heart Check: Please Take Good Care of Your Heart~

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The realities of love are often perplexing, seemingly hard to understand. The bible tells us to guard our hearts, for everything we do flows from it. Does it guarantee immunity from pain? Does love favor the bravest? Some people cling to the belief that shielding one’s heart will save them from getting hurt but I do not subscribe to such line of reasoning. Reality always scares us – no, it’s the tangible side of reality. Though love sometimes leads to serious distress, some people still choose to experience love because that’s the only way to unlock its mystery.
I am truly grateful for the day I allowed myself to get hurt, the day I supported my impetuous heart. The moment we commit to someone gives birth to pain because not all relationships have happy endings.
Love doesn’t mature in tranquil times; love doesn’t flourish in untilled hearts; for love to grow – we must learn how to swim against powerful tides, surpass the test of time, get even with all odds, lose some winning games, and break into tormenting zones.
Guarding your heart doesn’t mean “not” allowing ourselves getting bruises and burns. It’s  definitely impossible not to get hurt in any romantic relationships. We cannot stop some forces of nature. Sometimes we injure ourselves while walking, preparing meals, or opening windows but we have to walk to reach our destination, eat to satiate our hunger or open the window to breathe some fresh air. Same goes for love, you’ll never know the magic it brings if you’re too afraid to take risks.
To guard our hearts means to be mindful of what we plant inside. According to the bible, “we harvest what we plant.” If fear, we’ll miss the thrill of life. If pride, we’ll lose some good opportunities. If greed, we’ll gain nothing but turmoil. If jealousy, we’ll see no beauty in everyone. If hatred, we’ll never find love.
Therefore, allow love to reside in your heart. Concede to its undesirable perplexities. Indulge in its biting reality. Embrace all uncertainties. Letting our hearts get broken for countless times because there are lessons learned from every fall, a pot of gold, after all.
Written by: Quirkyshine