~Counting Steps~

6141d741c82beab9945a0251af36a1e7-walking-away-inspiring-quotes

Ready?
On the count of three…
One… two… but
Wait… wait…
I can’t… I just can’t go on without leaving a short note…
A note with a gentle tone and simple strokes of humor
From this sturdy pen
For the sake of moving on
Proving that we can be wrong
We’re both pathetic
Caring for the careless
Clearing their confound mess
Surrendering to being reckless
We’re both horrendous fools
Believing lies after lies
Denying the truest truth…
A plain fact that we can’t have the ones we love
But we keep chasing them
Hastening the race
Ending up losing
Your battle with her
Mine with you
Ready?
On the count of three…
Am more convinced to set you free
Whilst nurturing this fruitless tree
Hoping someday your mind will change
And feel your heart in closer range
But reality speaks volumes
Fair and convincing that…
I am the lover you took for granted
You are the pursuer she left for gold
We’re both crippled afraid to heal
Always taking a u-turn
Scared our paths will cross again
I may not be able to mend completely
Are you ready?
Am I ready?
On the count of three…
One… two…
I must run…
Runaway from here
Runaway from you
Runaway from love
One… two… three… go!

(c) Quirkyshine

~Happy 4th Blogiversary Quirkyshine’s Page~

4th_blogiversary-imagechef

Celebrating four years of blogging!! To my dearest friends out there I wanna say “THANK YOU VERY MUCH!” for the wonderful comments, for taking time to read my posts, for all the likes and follows. Sorry, I’ve been out of touch for months for several reasons and I promise to be back once I have my schedule (life as well) fixed. I miss everyone and I miss poetry a lot.

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

the same with…

In the end, it’s not the number of likes, follows, and comments we get on our blogs. It’s the friendships we built and the lives we touched through our posts.

I miss you all! Take Care! God Bless!

That single thingy thing…

140905-lieberman-crown-tease_shjwwm

“Are you waiting for someone?” my friend asked me

In all honesty, yes and I will never ever settle for less now.

I am waiting for the one who will end this mediocrity. One who values quality time and spend his life in serving our Lord. Waiting for the one who gives up his pride and humbles himself before our God. One whose knees are anointed for a prayerful man is worth waiting for. 

I am waiting… yes waiting for the one who dares to take the lead… whose decisions I have full respect. Who’s wise enough to make a reasonable choice and bold enough to face reality. I will love the one who’s proud of his talents and skills – blessed is he whose confidence is in our God.

I am waiting… yes waiting for a dedicated home builder – an extremely devoted life artist, who practically fulfills his calling as a man of faith. One whose pockets aren’t rotten. One whose happiness cannot be found in swindling and gambling. For God really loves a selfless and responsible man.

I shouldn’t be disheartened if I have to wait a lifetime… I must love someone… love a follower of Christ… someone who brings out the best in me… who plants kindness and gentleness in my heart… whose spirituality is impenetrable… whose teachings are far greater than the wise… someone who’s an antidote to my unsound mind. I must choose the one who commits his life to God’s missions…. whose life is in His words… who seeks His face to find grace… for God bless a Christ-like man.

And yes I am waiting for someone… someone with a pure heart and serene mind…  a good soul… whose love I can completely enjoy. ❤

© quirkyshine

image: https://img.thedailybeast.com/image/upload/c_crop,d_placeholder_euli9k,h_1439,w_2560,x_0,y_0/dpr_2.0/c_limit,w_740/fl_lossy,q_auto/v1492195711/articles/2014/09/05/flower-crowns-are-phony-and-must-die/140905-lieberman-crown-tease_shjwwm

 

 

~8 Minutes of No Heartbeat~

12341273_1257379790943999_1530024950756325241_n

I guess it’s a healthy habit to travel back in time once in a while and do reflections on some important events in our lives – events that weren’t pleasant at all and yet can be a piece of gem when we turn it into something beautiful. Life is short but are we fully aware of it? What do you know about life? What do I know? Probably this is one of the many reasons why I was called to write a post about my story and why God made me a writer. It has always been about “life”, “love”, and “the value of time”.

“Nodular Sclerosis – Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma” (NS-CHL) a name that scared off my family and friends. Lymphoma is the most common blood cancer and there are many types of it. Mine was the most common subtype of Hodgkin Lymphoma but it nearly killed me. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was diagnosed with it and having treatment, but that was 4 years ago. It was August of 2012 when I felt some of its symptoms, I had difficulty in breathing and swallowing, and according to the tests, I had a tumor growing inside my throat as big as a regular body soap. I couldn’t imagine that huge awful thing was blocking my food and air ways. A total of 11 months of battle; 12 days in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) just to resolve my breathing problems; and 4 times I passed out – my heartbeat dropped flat, doctors had to revive me.

How does it feel to die? It was a beautiful experience actually. All I could remember was an intense chest pain that I had to draw a heart to inform the nurses around me of the unbearable pain and then suddenly I could not recall anything – I guess death is really the end of pain. There were no visions, no bright lights, no clouds, no stairways, no other realm, no other world, not even sea of fire. Unlike those near death stories, mine was not focused on what I saw but what I learned from that 8 minutes of no heartbeat.

Yes, 8 minutes of no heartbeat. No vision of heaven at all and yet the moment I opened my eyes, I saw angels in white uniform and white coat, I saw God weeping for me through my family who were there at that moment, I heard His voice – telling me, “dear daughter, you were given another life so make a little heaven, live, and make someone feel better.

I didn’t see any bright lights but that 8 minutes of darkness brought me to a different dimension. It is not what we see when we die but what we do with our lives in preparation for eternity.

Neither clouds nor stairways – what is heaven like? Is heaven real? that 8 minutes of no heartbeat and then was revived in time, I believe there’s a purpose or a reason for everything. Heaven is just waiting out there, but we can be someone’s heaven, someone’s angel, and someone’s blessing making them feel that heaven is real. That we live in a chaotic world but we can be an answer to someone’s prayers.

There are no other realms, no other world, not even sea of fire because we have the power to choose. We can live miserably, we can choose not to live, but we have the control, while we are alive, while we can – we can always choose to live happily and be at peace with anyone. We have the power to heal and the power to bring healing to people’s lives.

I am truly grateful for that experience – it is an experience worth sharing. Something worth remembering.

Trials are like tumors in different forms and we have to embrace the nature of its malignancy. Things can go wrong but if we dwell on it for so long, we’ll surely miss the beauty of life.

Death is beautiful – there is nothing to fear. But let’s wait for our time and prepare for it. Make most of our lives and be an inspiration to everyone. We always have the choice even at the point of death. September is Lymphoma awareness month and also my birth month – got so many things to celebrate. But if there is one thing… just one thing to be victorious about… that is my gift of life. Thank you for the time and for reading my post and May God bless us all.

© quirkyshine

12308470_1257380250943953_3807994267914432223_n

~What Does Cancer Feel Like~

9

(For the fearless survivors)

What does cancer feel like?

Of course, it’s really terrible yet challenging…
The thought of dying soon.
The pain every IV insertion and blood extraction.
The terrible swelling of the veins…
The thought of losing your hair…
The idea of shopping scarfs and wigs…
The cold temperature inside the chemo room
The terrible smell of the food…
The weakness you feel after the last shot…
The worries haunting you at night…
The thought of missing important events (weddings of friends, birthdays of loved ones, Christmas, Valentine’s day)
The idea of writing farewell letters and notes for friends…
The small things that irritate you like noise, bright lights, and other kinds of stuff…
The insecurities you feel cause people gonna treat you differently like everyone gonna treat you like a fragile thing…
The feeling of doing confession every night as you might not wake up the next day…
The scary nightmares creeping into our bones… coffins, big needles chasing us, etc…
The sickening taste of food after chemo session…
The thought of having cancer is a curse… WHEN IN TRUTH IT’S NOT.

However, life is a journey… it has many twists and turns and sometimes it favors the brave.

 

Cancer changed me in so many ways from a very boring girl to being fearless and bold. I dare not protest and resist the will of God. I thought of it like an adventure – a fun trip worth remembering. Truly I am grateful for what it taught me. Therefore, I salute all of you with this kind of battle. It was never easy but we choose to fight.

According to the movie New Life… “we are patients cause they are teaching us patience”.

For me cancer became my best teacher… it taught me to always LIVE FULLY with so much love.

(c) quirkyshine

 

 

~Note to Self~

girl-hand-flower-alone-waiting-for-you-desktop-wallpapers

Nothing hurts more than
Giving your best shot
And being left alone with so much pain in the heart
~
I know you tried your very best to see the wisdom of everything…
Behind every downfall
~
I know you are stronger than yesterday
Yes I know you will survive
Yet allow me…
Allow me to wander in solitude sometimes
I wanna let time unfold itself…
Twist the hands of the clock
Tighten the verdict of reality
And let healing find it’s way back to me
~
Dear self…
I know you need to breathe
Sniff the scent of goodness this life could offer
Would it be alright to refuse your call?
I wanna yield into sadness for a short while
See the truth why I have to savor its’ sickening taste
Why I have to torture myself and
Dwell into forbidden thoughts
I wanna hold on to memories of my unfriendly past –
Till I master the art of letting go
~
Dear self…
I know you’re weary and tired
You wanna rest and live in peace you’ve been praying all night
Yet permit me…
For a moment
To die
And find the way to life
It is through this rebellion
I could clarify my confusions, resolve the mystery of a broken vow,
And decipher the hidden code of this sorrow.
Yes I wanna drown myself in bitterness
Kill the hope in my mind
Till it buds forgiveness
And ready to betray darkness
~
Dear self…
Be patient
Hold on to me
Till I see the light
Never will I let you down
I promise to
Free you of the pain
That’s haunting you in vain
Be strong
We will survive.

(c) Shine Lum (Quirkyshine)

*a contest piece

*originally  posted on http://hesaidshesaidph.com/note-to-self1/

butterfly-on-hand-yorkshire_rose-30634788-500-333

~The Lone Writer~

Lonely she goes unnoticed

She cries for mercy

Like a slave for misery

She wants to break her silence

After the betrayal of her shadow

Hurting, she thirsts for blood

To quench her drive to write

All the stories in her barren mind

Unable to master the art of exploiting her crippled heart

Scribbling, she sought to find her healing

Through her wild imaginations, bereft of meaning

Naked she hides her feelings

She was stripped off passion

And lost possession of her dreams

Her thoughts were never celebrated

And her letters were drenched with tears

The lone writer left this place

Not a voice was heard

No traces of her pen

“Solitude has always been her friend”

© quirkyshine