~No Traces~

Tonight, there is something to reminisce…
Of a love, of a boy, of a heartache
Still a bit clueless but I know there is something to remember…
Mine heart not easy to forget
Mind cares of who had left
Every night I want nothing more
But to mend this regret
Leave traces of him behind
Tonight, let it be the night
To send off memories to the sky
Consume my thoughts with all the “what ifs and should haves”
Till I get tired…
Till I get lost…
Till I run out of reasons
Tonight, is the night
To put these feelings to sleep
And to wake up one day
With no flashing histories
Cause the only thing I know is just his name

(c) quirkyshine

June 15, 2019

~Walls~

Why are you building walls around your heart?
Isn’t it so unfair?
You were blocking me instead of her
You built a wall so very high I couldn’t break in
But you allowed her to get inside
Then she left you unwanted again and
This is the saddest thing about love
We build walls to keep the right people out
And allow the wrong person in to wreck us freely.

~whispers of sweet~

(c) quirkyshine

~Happy 4th Blogiversary Quirkyshine’s Page~

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Celebrating four years of blogging!! To my dearest friends out there I wanna say “THANK YOU VERY MUCH!” for the wonderful comments, for taking time to read my posts, for all the likes and follows. Sorry, I’ve been out of touch for months for several reasons and I promise to be back once I have my schedule (life as well) fixed. I miss everyone and I miss poetry a lot.

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

the same with…

In the end, it’s not the number of likes, follows, and comments we get on our blogs. It’s the friendships we built and the lives we touched through our posts.

I miss you all! Take Care! God Bless!

That single thingy thing…

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“Are you waiting for someone?” my friend asked me

In all honesty, yes and I will never ever settle for less now.

I am waiting for the one who will end this mediocrity. One who values quality time and spend his life in serving our Lord. Waiting for the one who gives up his pride and humbles himself before our God. One whose knees are anointed for a prayerful man is worth waiting for. 

I am waiting… yes waiting for the one who dares to take the lead… whose decisions I have full respect. Who’s wise enough to make a reasonable choice and bold enough to face reality. I will love the one who’s proud of his talents and skills – blessed is he whose confidence is in our God.

I am waiting… yes waiting for a dedicated home builder – an extremely devoted life artist, who practically fulfills his calling as a man of faith. One whose pockets aren’t rotten. One whose happiness cannot be found in swindling and gambling. For God really loves a selfless and responsible man.

I shouldn’t be disheartened if I have to wait a lifetime… I must love someone… love a follower of Christ… someone who brings out the best in me… who plants kindness and gentleness in my heart… whose spirituality is impenetrable… whose teachings are far greater than the wise… someone who’s an antidote to my unsound mind. I must choose the one who commits his life to God’s missions…. whose life is in His words… who seeks His face to find grace… for God bless a Christ-like man.

And yes I am waiting for someone… someone with a pure heart and serene mind…  a good soul… whose love I can completely enjoy. ❤

© quirkyshine

image: https://img.thedailybeast.com/image/upload/c_crop,d_placeholder_euli9k,h_1439,w_2560,x_0,y_0/dpr_2.0/c_limit,w_740/fl_lossy,q_auto/v1492195711/articles/2014/09/05/flower-crowns-are-phony-and-must-die/140905-lieberman-crown-tease_shjwwm

 

 

~8 Minutes of No Heartbeat~

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I guess it’s a healthy habit to travel back in time once in a while and do reflections on some important events in our lives – events that weren’t pleasant at all and yet can be a piece of gem when we turn it into something beautiful. Life is short but are we fully aware of it? What do you know about life? What do I know? Probably this is one of the many reasons why I was called to write a post about my story and why God made me a writer. It has always been about “life”, “love”, and “the value of time”.

“Nodular Sclerosis – Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma” (NS-CHL) a name that scared off my family and friends. Lymphoma is the most common blood cancer and there are many types of it. Mine was the most common subtype of Hodgkin Lymphoma but it nearly killed me. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was diagnosed with it and having treatment, but that was 4 years ago. It was August of 2012 when I felt some of its symptoms, I had difficulty in breathing and swallowing, and according to the tests, I had a tumor growing inside my throat as big as a regular body soap. I couldn’t imagine that huge awful thing was blocking my food and air ways. A total of 11 months of battle; 12 days in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) just to resolve my breathing problems; and 4 times I passed out – my heartbeat dropped flat, doctors had to revive me.

How does it feel to die? It was a beautiful experience actually. All I could remember was an intense chest pain that I had to draw a heart to inform the nurses around me of the unbearable pain and then suddenly I could not recall anything – I guess death is really the end of pain. There were no visions, no bright lights, no clouds, no stairways, no other realm, no other world, not even sea of fire. Unlike those near death stories, mine was not focused on what I saw but what I learned from that 8 minutes of no heartbeat.

Yes, 8 minutes of no heartbeat. No vision of heaven at all and yet the moment I opened my eyes, I saw angels in white uniform and white coat, I saw God weeping for me through my family who were there at that moment, I heard His voice – telling me, “dear daughter, you were given another life so make a little heaven, live, and make someone feel better.

I didn’t see any bright lights but that 8 minutes of darkness brought me to a different dimension. It is not what we see when we die but what we do with our lives in preparation for eternity.

Neither clouds nor stairways – what is heaven like? Is heaven real? that 8 minutes of no heartbeat and then was revived in time, I believe there’s a purpose or a reason for everything. Heaven is just waiting out there, but we can be someone’s heaven, someone’s angel, and someone’s blessing making them feel that heaven is real. That we live in a chaotic world but we can be an answer to someone’s prayers.

There are no other realms, no other world, not even sea of fire because we have the power to choose. We can live miserably, we can choose not to live, but we have the control, while we are alive, while we can – we can always choose to live happily and be at peace with anyone. We have the power to heal and the power to bring healing to people’s lives.

I am truly grateful for that experience – it is an experience worth sharing. Something worth remembering.

Trials are like tumors in different forms and we have to embrace the nature of its malignancy. Things can go wrong but if we dwell on it for so long, we’ll surely miss the beauty of life.

Death is beautiful – there is nothing to fear. But let’s wait for our time and prepare for it. Make most of our lives and be an inspiration to everyone. We always have the choice even at the point of death. September is Lymphoma awareness month and also my birth month – got so many things to celebrate. But if there is one thing… just one thing to be victorious about… that is my gift of life. Thank you for the time and for reading my post and May God bless us all.

© quirkyshine

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~Heart Check: Please Take Good Care of Your Heart~

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The realities of love are often perplexing, seemingly hard to understand. The bible tells us to guard our hearts, for everything we do flows from it. Does it guarantee immunity from pain? Does love favor the bravest? Some people cling to the belief that shielding one’s heart will save them from getting hurt but I do not subscribe to such line of reasoning. Reality always scares us – no, it’s the tangible side of reality. Though love sometimes leads to serious distress, some people still choose to experience love because that’s the only way to unlock its mystery.
I am truly grateful for the day I allowed myself to get hurt, the day I supported my impetuous heart. The moment we commit to someone gives birth to pain because not all relationships have happy endings.
Love doesn’t mature in tranquil times; love doesn’t flourish in untilled hearts; for love to grow – we must learn how to swim against powerful tides, surpass the test of time, get even with all odds, lose some winning games, and break into tormenting zones.
Guarding your heart doesn’t mean “not” allowing ourselves getting bruises and burns. It’s  definitely impossible not to get hurt in any romantic relationships. We cannot stop some forces of nature. Sometimes we injure ourselves while walking, preparing meals, or opening windows but we have to walk to reach our destination, eat to satiate our hunger or open the window to breathe some fresh air. Same goes for love, you’ll never know the magic it brings if you’re too afraid to take risks.
To guard our hearts means to be mindful of what we plant inside. According to the bible, “we harvest what we plant.” If fear, we’ll miss the thrill of life. If pride, we’ll lose some good opportunities. If greed, we’ll gain nothing but turmoil. If jealousy, we’ll see no beauty in everyone. If hatred, we’ll never find love.
Therefore, allow love to reside in your heart. Concede to its undesirable perplexities. Indulge in its biting reality. Embrace all uncertainties. Letting our hearts get broken for countless times because there are lessons learned from every fall, a pot of gold, after all.
Written by: Quirkyshine

~What Does Cancer Feel Like~

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(For the fearless survivors)

What does cancer feel like?

Of course, it’s really terrible yet challenging…
The thought of dying soon.
The pain every IV insertion and blood extraction.
The terrible swelling of the veins…
The thought of losing your hair…
The idea of shopping scarfs and wigs…
The cold temperature inside the chemo room
The terrible smell of the food…
The weakness you feel after the last shot…
The worries haunting you at night…
The thought of missing important events (weddings of friends, birthdays of loved ones, Christmas, Valentine’s day)
The idea of writing farewell letters and notes for friends…
The small things that irritate you like noise, bright lights, and other kinds of stuff…
The insecurities you feel cause people gonna treat you differently like everyone gonna treat you like a fragile thing…
The feeling of doing confession every night as you might not wake up the next day…
The scary nightmares creeping into our bones… coffins, big needles chasing us, etc…
The sickening taste of food after chemo session…
The thought of having cancer is a curse… WHEN IN TRUTH IT’S NOT.

However, life is a journey… it has many twists and turns and sometimes it favors the brave.

 

Cancer changed me in so many ways from a very boring girl to being fearless and bold. I dare not protest and resist the will of God. I thought of it like an adventure – a fun trip worth remembering. Truly I am grateful for what it taught me. Therefore, I salute all of you with this kind of battle. It was never easy but we choose to fight.

According to the movie New Life… “we are patients cause they are teaching us patience”.

For me cancer became my best teacher… it taught me to always LIVE FULLY with so much love.

(c) quirkyshine

 

 

~Note to Self~

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Nothing hurts more than
Giving your best shot
And being left alone with so much pain in the heart
~
I know you tried your very best to see the wisdom of everything…
Behind every downfall
~
I know you are stronger than yesterday
Yes I know you will survive
Yet allow me…
Allow me to wander in solitude sometimes
I wanna let time unfold itself…
Twist the hands of the clock
Tighten the verdict of reality
And let healing find it’s way back to me
~
Dear self…
I know you need to breathe
Sniff the scent of goodness this life could offer
Would it be alright to refuse your call?
I wanna yield into sadness for a short while
See the truth why I have to savor its’ sickening taste
Why I have to torture myself and
Dwell into forbidden thoughts
I wanna hold on to memories of my unfriendly past –
Till I master the art of letting go
~
Dear self…
I know you’re weary and tired
You wanna rest and live in peace you’ve been praying all night
Yet permit me…
For a moment
To die
And find the way to life
It is through this rebellion
I could clarify my confusions, resolve the mystery of a broken vow,
And decipher the hidden code of this sorrow.
Yes I wanna drown myself in bitterness
Kill the hope in my mind
Till it buds forgiveness
And ready to betray darkness
~
Dear self…
Be patient
Hold on to me
Till I see the light
Never will I let you down
I promise to
Free you of the pain
That’s haunting you in vain
Be strong
We will survive.

(c) Shine Lum (Quirkyshine)

*a contest piece

*originally  posted on http://hesaidshesaidph.com/note-to-self1/

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~Let Me Be the ONE~

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No man is an island

Everyone needs someone

Someone to share your dreams with

To have and to hold

To praise and to embrace

Someone who can give clarity to what seems misty in thy sight

When you have no one in life

Let me be that someone

Someone you need

Someone you may cherish for keeps

Let me be the one to show you love

Let me be your sight

When you live in darkness

Let me be your smile

When you find it hard to give

Let me be that sparkle

When tears start to fall

Let me be the melody

When your heart seems out of tune

Let me be the gravity

That will pull you back to reality

Let me be your rhythm

Withholding your grace

Just look into my eyes

When you search for your soul

I will be your reflection

I will let you see the beauty inside you

Let me be your faith

When you begin to doubt

Let me be your hope

When you are at the end of the road

Let me be your wings

I will make your life worth living   

Alone you shan’t sink

In times of blues and without a clue

I will be right beside you

Life is at its best if shared by two

I will uphold all the beautiful things unfold

Together we stand

Together we fall

Side by side we will ride out every storm

We will stick together in the good times and the bad

Whenever you feel sad and colors fade to grey

When there is doubt in your heart

Whenever you feel there is no reason to hold on

When things aren’t right

And no one cares because all have left

I will be there

You are not alone

Let me be the one

When you have no one

To have and to hold

Let me be the one

I Love You!!

 

© quirkyshine 2015

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