~No Traces~

Tonight, there is something to reminisce…
Of a love, of a boy, of a heartache
Still a bit clueless but I know there is something to remember…
Mine heart not easy to forget
Mind cares of who had left
Every night I want nothing more
But to mend this regret
Leave traces of him behind
Tonight, let it be the night
To send off memories to the sky
Consume my thoughts with all the “what ifs and should haves”
Till I get tired…
Till I get lost…
Till I run out of reasons
Tonight, is the night
To put these feelings to sleep
And to wake up one day
With no flashing histories
Cause the only thing I know is just his name

(c) quirkyshine

June 15, 2019

~9 o’clock pm~

Everytime I close my eyes
I see different scenarios
Of you, of us…
of breaking apart…
of you loving someone else…
of me struggling to breathe
Of you regretting…
of me moving on…
Yes, so many stories in mind…
so many thoughts run wild…

Then slowly fade
When I fall asleep.

(c) Quirkyshine

~Walls~

Why are you building walls around your heart?
Isn’t it so unfair?
You were blocking me instead of her
You built a wall so very high I couldn’t break in
But you allowed her to get inside
Then she left you unwanted again and
This is the saddest thing about love
We build walls to keep the right people out
And allow the wrong person in to wreck us freely.

~whispers of sweet~

(c) quirkyshine

So this is how it feels…

So this is how it feels to love you…
It’s madness, it’s insane, it’s quite uncanny,
Yes! I know we are absurd,
And my heart could no longer hold that eerie, spooky, terrifying thing when it misses you,
I hate it when you are around and yet I grieve to death when you are not,
I despise all your words, most when you sugarcoat,
But I’d trade my life for them just to hear your sweetest lies,
Because that is what my heart believes in…
It believes in you…
That one day your heart will collide with mine
And that I don’t have to chase you for life
So this is how it feels…

(c) quirkyshine

~Happy 4th Blogiversary Quirkyshine’s Page~

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Celebrating four years of blogging!! To my dearest friends out there I wanna say “THANK YOU VERY MUCH!” for the wonderful comments, for taking time to read my posts, for all the likes and follows. Sorry, I’ve been out of touch for months for several reasons and I promise to be back once I have my schedule (life as well) fixed. I miss everyone and I miss poetry a lot.

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

the same with…

In the end, it’s not the number of likes, follows, and comments we get on our blogs. It’s the friendships we built and the lives we touched through our posts.

I miss you all! Take Care! God Bless!

That single thingy thing…

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“Are you waiting for someone?” my friend asked me

In all honesty, yes and I will never ever settle for less now.

I am waiting for the one who will end this mediocrity. One who values quality time and spend his life in serving our Lord. Waiting for the one who gives up his pride and humbles himself before our God. One whose knees are anointed for a prayerful man is worth waiting for. 

I am waiting… yes waiting for the one who dares to take the lead… whose decisions I have full respect. Who’s wise enough to make a reasonable choice and bold enough to face reality. I will love the one who’s proud of his talents and skills – blessed is he whose confidence is in our God.

I am waiting… yes waiting for a dedicated home builder – an extremely devoted life artist, who practically fulfills his calling as a man of faith. One whose pockets aren’t rotten. One whose happiness cannot be found in swindling and gambling. For God really loves a selfless and responsible man.

I shouldn’t be disheartened if I have to wait a lifetime… I must love someone… love a follower of Christ… someone who brings out the best in me… who plants kindness and gentleness in my heart… whose spirituality is impenetrable… whose teachings are far greater than the wise… someone who’s an antidote to my unsound mind. I must choose the one who commits his life to God’s missions…. whose life is in His words… who seeks His face to find grace… for God bless a Christ-like man.

And yes I am waiting for someone… someone with a pure heart and serene mind…  a good soul… whose love I can completely enjoy. ❤

© quirkyshine

image: https://img.thedailybeast.com/image/upload/c_crop,d_placeholder_euli9k,h_1439,w_2560,x_0,y_0/dpr_2.0/c_limit,w_740/fl_lossy,q_auto/v1492195711/articles/2014/09/05/flower-crowns-are-phony-and-must-die/140905-lieberman-crown-tease_shjwwm

 

 

~Heart Check: Please Take Good Care of Your Heart~

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The realities of love are often perplexing, seemingly hard to understand. The bible tells us to guard our hearts, for everything we do flows from it. Does it guarantee immunity from pain? Does love favor the bravest? Some people cling to the belief that shielding one’s heart will save them from getting hurt but I do not subscribe to such line of reasoning. Reality always scares us – no, it’s the tangible side of reality. Though love sometimes leads to serious distress, some people still choose to experience love because that’s the only way to unlock its mystery.
I am truly grateful for the day I allowed myself to get hurt, the day I supported my impetuous heart. The moment we commit to someone gives birth to pain because not all relationships have happy endings.
Love doesn’t mature in tranquil times; love doesn’t flourish in untilled hearts; for love to grow – we must learn how to swim against powerful tides, surpass the test of time, get even with all odds, lose some winning games, and break into tormenting zones.
Guarding your heart doesn’t mean “not” allowing ourselves getting bruises and burns. It’s  definitely impossible not to get hurt in any romantic relationships. We cannot stop some forces of nature. Sometimes we injure ourselves while walking, preparing meals, or opening windows but we have to walk to reach our destination, eat to satiate our hunger or open the window to breathe some fresh air. Same goes for love, you’ll never know the magic it brings if you’re too afraid to take risks.
To guard our hearts means to be mindful of what we plant inside. According to the bible, “we harvest what we plant.” If fear, we’ll miss the thrill of life. If pride, we’ll lose some good opportunities. If greed, we’ll gain nothing but turmoil. If jealousy, we’ll see no beauty in everyone. If hatred, we’ll never find love.
Therefore, allow love to reside in your heart. Concede to its undesirable perplexities. Indulge in its biting reality. Embrace all uncertainties. Letting our hearts get broken for countless times because there are lessons learned from every fall, a pot of gold, after all.
Written by: Quirkyshine

~What Does Cancer Feel Like~

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(For the fearless survivors)

What does cancer feel like?

Of course, it’s really terrible yet challenging…
The thought of dying soon.
The pain every IV insertion and blood extraction.
The terrible swelling of the veins…
The thought of losing your hair…
The idea of shopping scarfs and wigs…
The cold temperature inside the chemo room
The terrible smell of the food…
The weakness you feel after the last shot…
The worries haunting you at night…
The thought of missing important events (weddings of friends, birthdays of loved ones, Christmas, Valentine’s day)
The idea of writing farewell letters and notes for friends…
The small things that irritate you like noise, bright lights, and other kinds of stuff…
The insecurities you feel cause people gonna treat you differently like everyone gonna treat you like a fragile thing…
The feeling of doing confession every night as you might not wake up the next day…
The scary nightmares creeping into our bones… coffins, big needles chasing us, etc…
The sickening taste of food after chemo session…
The thought of having cancer is a curse… WHEN IN TRUTH IT’S NOT.

However, life is a journey… it has many twists and turns and sometimes it favors the brave.

 

Cancer changed me in so many ways from a very boring girl to being fearless and bold. I dare not protest and resist the will of God. I thought of it like an adventure – a fun trip worth remembering. Truly I am grateful for what it taught me. Therefore, I salute all of you with this kind of battle. It was never easy but we choose to fight.

According to the movie New Life… “we are patients cause they are teaching us patience”.

For me cancer became my best teacher… it taught me to always LIVE FULLY with so much love.

(c) quirkyshine

 

 

~The Art of Past Memories and Scars~

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Originally posted on http://hesaidshesaidph.com/art-past-memories-scars/

“We all love to keep memories of the past.”

Consciously and unconsciously we put these memories on a pedestal, like our god or the leader of the pack, sort of like a blueprint – a guide on what to do in the near future. We feed these memories with toxic feelings like bitterness, hatred, or resentments poisonous to our very own growth. We nurture them like a little baby, taking down each milestone as we move on from our unfriendly past.

We have lots of scars in our hearts. Some of them already have “Torrens Title” to this hollow muscular organ of ours, pumping pain till we can no longer hold each hurt, leading to a fatal heart attack. Some wounds though long been healed still its twinge can be felt more often. Because these horrendous scars have an indefeasible title to our being, which keeps us from moving on.

In this not so perfect world, we are easily deceived by our pretentious id. In psychology the id basically works to satisfy our needs, it is like a pill or a drug that drives us insane. We rely so much on its falsity as we are afraid to hear the truth; that “past is past, we need to “let go.” We like to hang out in our comfort zones because it’s more convenient for us. When all these memories piled up in our thoughts leaving no space for peace and forgiveness, we become captives of our own blunder. These are life’s setbacks that we need to address right away. Tendency, we get so overwhelmed, thus stopping us from growing.

For 2 to 3 months, I’ve been filling myself up with negative energies. For many weeks I’d been nursing my pain, stuffing unpleasant feelings, cultivating vengeance, fueling my rage towards everything, seeding unhappy thoughts, catering misery through my poetry, and feasting on past sad memories. I had terrible amounts of toxins flowing in my blood. I lost my appetite and that need to socialize. The good life I had and I knew of was changed when I lost myself to depression. Yes, I was battling with depression. Reality was tough, heartaches were unbearable, and life was seemingly hopeless.

Unknowingly, I let painful memories reside in my heart and gave tenants’ rights to my scars. I died. But big thanks to “FAITH”, God actually waited for that tragic moment, I have to die first, so I can fully appreciate and understand what “MIRACLE” really means.

I am quitting all negative vibes for good. Been there, done that, move on. This whole ordeal is all about renewing my true being. That I am special and that God is greater than my heartaches. The moment I accepted His will I found relief.

Part of the process is to embrace the past. That it happened and we could no longer change the history. That time machines are not real and all we need to do is to adjust to the changes of the time.

Memories are supposedly beautiful – whether good or not, the purpose of memories is to teach us lessons. Let it serve its purpose in your life. Do not let those memories paralyze your growth. Though there are times we keep reliving them, allow yourself to feel it till you get numb. The moment you feel the numbness start planning out for today and tomorrow. Baby steps will do as long as you commit yourself to the process.

Do not ever treat memories like your god. But allow God to use those painful memories to your own advantage. As to your scars, demand for rental payment or the value of the space they are occupying. No matter how ugly the scar is, treat it like a beautiful art. It is you and the scar who truly know the real story – story of survival. Make peace with those scars, it is there already, but you have the power to create something beautiful out of it.

Receive the gifts of heaven, if you are gifted to paint use those scars as your muse, if gifted with a voice let scar be your rhythm, and if you are gifted of writing use those scars as your words. It is how you use your memories and scars that will help you grow maturely.

(c) quirkyshine a.k.a. Shine Lum

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