~Note to Self~

Nothing hurts more than
Giving your best shot
And being left alone with so much pain in the heart
~
I know you tried your very best to see the wisdom of everything…
Behind every downfall
~
I know you are stronger than yesterday
Yes I know you will survive
Yet allow me…
Allow me to wander in solitude sometimes
I wanna let time unfold itself…
Twist the hands of the clock
Tighten the verdict of reality
And let healing find it’s way back to me
~
Dear self…
I know you need to breathe
Sniff the scent of goodness this life could offer
Would it be alright to refuse your call?
I wanna yield into sadness for a short while
See the truth why I have to savor its’ sickening taste
Why I have to torture myself and
Dwell into forbidden thoughts
I wanna hold on to memories of my unfriendly past –
Till I master the art of letting go
~
Dear self…
I know you’re weary and tired
You wanna rest and live in peace you’ve been praying all night
Yet permit me…
For a moment
To die
And find the way to life
It is through this rebellion
I could clarify my confusions, resolve the mystery of a broken vow,
And decipher the hidden code of this sorrow.
Yes I wanna drown myself in bitterness
Kill the hope in my mind
Till it buds forgiveness
And ready to betray darkness
~
Dear self…
Be patient
Hold on to me
Till I see the light
Never will I let you down
I promise to
Free you of the pain
That’s haunting you in vain
Be strong
We will survive.

(c) Shine Lum (Quirkyshine)

*a contest piece

*originally  posted on http://hesaidshesaidph.com/note-to-self1/

Quote to Ponder~~

When you can’t explain the pain you feel…

Yet prayers helped you through it.

The love of God healed your broken soul… your shattered heart… 

Then you realized you survived the big storm. 

That’s being held. ❤❤❤❤

~Unsent Letter~

To the one who badly broke my heart…
I wish I could find a pill to forget you

I even prayed harder that God will make me numb

So this heart of mine would stop bleeding

~

I tried to stay away from the limelight

Did all my best not to think of you most of the time

I never talked about you anymore

And I tried moving on from our painful parting

~

But I can’t… 

I just can’t…

Something is not right

It is wrong to keep my hopes high

~

You are still in my heart

Always as always

And memories keep coming back

~

I am not missing one of them

Since I live in fantasy everyday

To keep those memories alive

~

It’s really hard to let go of this love

Since you mean so much to me

And I made a promise not to leave you

Don’t  know if I should keep those words

~

You are far away now

Beyond my sights’ reach

~

You are not the perfect guy to chase

Just cute but not handsome

Just cool but not a head turner

You are not every woman’s fantasy

~

But this heart is strange

It always points back to you

~

Strange why I really want you

Strange why my heart is always looking for you

When you are no longer looking for me

~

Strange that you don’t actually deserve me

But this heart says you are the best for me

~

Strange that you might be loving someone else now

Yet this heart hopes it’s still me you love

~

Strange that we were like cats and dogs

Yet I missed those arguments ’cause thats how I learned to be humble

~

I wish to find the light

As every night gets colder

Sometimes tears just roll down my face

‘Cause I badly missed you

How I wish this feeling

Would just go away

So no more dying each day
~quirky

Quirkyshine Speaks: On Living Under Pressure

I think we need to breathe more often. Life has become a race for some people and they missed some important events in their lives. While facing life’s countless pressures we forget to look ourselves in the mirror. Sometimes we ignore those signs of aging because we are too busy… too busy to care for ourselves.  It’s very overwhelming when we find out “we are not young anymore”.

It is likely that we are working so hard because we have deadlines for our goals in life. We don’t  want to be left out. And we don’t want to appear in social media that we are living a pathetic life, so we become slaves of stress and pressures  to keep up with the joneses.

It may not be our choice, but we are likely choosing a toxic path. It is important to take care of ourselves. In the middle of a busy day take time to check those fats, wrinkles, and gray hairs. Love those beautiful signs of growing old. Travel into your innermost soul and tell yourself “Hey breathe! Relax a bit!”. You have consumed a lot of energy why don’t you take a break. If stuck in traffic write a poem. If someone is late in the meeting talk to the person next to you. There is no need to get pissed off of daily stressors. Sometimes, we need to breathe and just enjoy the perks of living under pressure. 
~quirky

~Forsaken Piece~

Dear Love,
There are many things I would like to say…
Wishes inside my heart
You have never heard before
These unwritten words and
Unspoken feelings 
Are the love you have forgotten
Yes I was the forsaken piece
Probably the missing verse in your poetry or
The omitted note in your song
I was history
You tried to dismiss from mind
When I lost you
I felt deserted
Leaving me lorn and empty
I was the raw rhythm
Never the muse portrayed in your sonnets
Hoping one day
You’ll see the naked truth
That I mean something
A valuable possession
Worth keeping 
Worthy to be loved
If only we could turn back time
Maybe we can rewrite 
Our fate that grown apart
I hope you know
That I am here to stay
Always and forever 
A forsaken piece
That keeps loving you from a distance and in silence

~quirky

~Of Letting You Go…

​

Everyday and everynight

I think of you

~

Beautiful thoughts I’d like to paint in the sky
For the whole world to see

~
Days and weeks
No words from you
Your silence speaks a lot
You aren’t coming back

~
I know… that you needed to go
Off to a place
Where you call your home
Where your heart belongs
I know not in my arms and caresses
But to a place 
Where you can express
Yourself through your sonnets and chants

~
To see you smiling
To see you happy
To see you unconstrained by my selfish whims
Are the things I pray at night

~
I needed to cut the string 
The string of hope 
Keep a portion of it
Seal it in my heart forever 

~
Someday my dreams are going to relive our memories
The good and the not so good
The bad and even the worst part 

~
I know… that you needed to go
Away from my shadow
Shadow that made your hands colder 
Thus difficult for you to hold tightly

~
I hope to see again the spark in your eyes
If it isn’t for me
That would be fine
I have to set you free
Because that’s what you asked from me

~
One day…
If our paths cross again
Please don’t ignore me, okay?
Instead greet me with your smile
A smile that once was mine

~quirkyshine November 27, 2016

​~If I Had a Minute Without You in My Mind~

What would life be like if I had a minute without You in my mind?

Perhaps 60 seconds of clarity

No sorrows

No aches

60 seconds of peace

No self-doubts

No confusions 

60 seconds of hope

No darkness 

No gasping of breath

If I had a minute without you in my mind

Will it change the course of history?

Will my heart be the same?

Can it still feel pain?

If I had a minute without you in my mind…

Perhaps 60 seconds of living a full life

No emptiness 

No void to fill

No loneliness 

For 60 meaningful seconds

A moment of stillness 

A taste of what I must do today

Not to wait for tomorrow 

If I can do it…

I must do it now

If I had 60 seconds without you in my mind

There will be silence

For every second… minute… hour of the day

You never left my mind

And so this 60 seconds free of you

Let me try a minute to unlove you

If I had 60 seconds without you in my mind.
~quirky

~The Unexpected Guest ~

She was the epitome of innocence…
Everyone adores her naiveness
She was all natural 
Pure as her tears
Her smile moves hearts
Touches souls of men
Never a damsel in distress
She was just artless and plain
No complexities 
Never been in trouble
She was soft spoken nonchalant lady 
She could not ignite a fire
Could not evoke rage
She was uncorrupted 
She was so pristine
Then came a white knight 
And he was her unexpected guest….
He took her away 
Off to misery…
Ravaged her peace
Tainted her soul
He broke her heart
Broke her sanity
She can never be whole again

© quirky

~Que Sera, Sera~

​

Leaves meant to touch the ground
Waves fated to touch the shore
Sun to rise in the east
To set in west
Some love unfolds
Some has to go
Tomorrow is not mine to see
Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
If we’re destined 
We could have our kiss
If not then it’s all a dream
Tomorrow is not yours to see
Que sera, sera 
Whatever will be, will be
Will there be an us someday?
Though we live miles away
And our hearts are too broken now
Whatever will be, will be
Tomorrow is not ours to hold
If love is written in the palm of our hands
Que sera, sera

~quirky

~In Dying Hope~

In dying hope…

Where does love go

When it comes to end?

~

How will we move on from the pain

When rain won’t stop pouring in vain?

~

A fool I am

To believe in forever

Unmindful of deaths’ existence

~

When a dear person

Leaves for no reason

~

Like a thief in the night

Robbing all we got

The happiness seen in our smiles

The joy evident in our eyes

The love inside our heart

~

Hope in our hands

Slipped away 

~

Stubborn we become

We start chasing and

Bargaining for anything

~

Let pass chances of survival

For we die together with our misfortunes

Then there’s nothing left

But our pride

~

We have to pick up the pieces 

And start from scratch 

Move on from what almost killed us

~

Pain is a cycle

Death is certain

Life is a mystery

To live or drown

To let go or die with love

~

Forgiveness favors the strongest heart

In dying we can be whole again
~quirkyshine…