That single thingy thing…

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“Are you waiting for someone?” my friend asked me

In all honesty, yes and I will never ever settle for less now.

I am waiting for the one who will end this mediocrity. One who values quality time and spend his life in serving our Lord. Waiting for the one who gives up his pride and humbles himself before our God. One whose knees are anointed for a prayerful man is worth waiting for. 

I am waiting… yes waiting for the one who dares to take the lead… whose decisions I have full respect. Who’s wise enough to make a reasonable choice and bold enough to face reality. I will love the one who’s proud of his talents and skills – blessed is he whose confidence is in our God.

I am waiting… yes waiting for a dedicated home builder – an extremely devoted life artist, who practically fulfills his calling as a man of faith. One whose pockets aren’t rotten. One whose happiness cannot be found in swindling and gambling. For God really loves a selfless and responsible man.

I shouldn’t be disheartened if I have to wait a lifetime… I must love someone… love a follower of Christ… someone who brings out the best in me… who plants kindness and gentleness in my heart… whose spirituality is impenetrable… whose teachings are far greater than the wise… someone who’s an antidote to my unsound mind. I must choose the one who commits his life to God’s missions…. whose life is in His words… who seeks His face to find grace… for God bless a Christ-like man.

And yes I am waiting for someone… someone with a pure heart and serene mind…  a good soul… whose love I can completely enjoy. ❤

© quirkyshine

image: https://img.thedailybeast.com/image/upload/c_crop,d_placeholder_euli9k,h_1439,w_2560,x_0,y_0/dpr_2.0/c_limit,w_740/fl_lossy,q_auto/v1492195711/articles/2014/09/05/flower-crowns-are-phony-and-must-die/140905-lieberman-crown-tease_shjwwm

 

 

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~8 Minutes of No Heartbeat~

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I guess it’s a healthy habit to travel back in time once in a while and do reflections on some important events in our lives – events that weren’t pleasant at all and yet can be a piece of gem when we turn it into something beautiful. Life is short but are we fully aware of it? What do you know about life? What do I know? Probably this is one of the many reasons why I was called to write a post about my story and why God made me a writer. It has always been about “life”, “love”, and “the value of time”.

“Nodular Sclerosis – Classical Hodgkin Lymphoma” (NS-CHL) a name that scared off my family and friends. Lymphoma is the most common blood cancer and there are many types of it. Mine was the most common subtype of Hodgkin Lymphoma but it nearly killed me. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was diagnosed with it and having treatment, but that was 4 years ago. It was August of 2012 when I felt some of its symptoms, I had difficulty in breathing and swallowing, and according to the tests, I had a tumor growing inside my throat as big as a regular body soap. I couldn’t imagine that huge awful thing was blocking my food and air ways. A total of 11 months of battle; 12 days in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) just to resolve my breathing problems; and 4 times I passed out – my heartbeat dropped flat, doctors had to revive me.

How does it feel to die? It was a beautiful experience actually. All I could remember was an intense chest pain that I had to draw a heart to inform the nurses around me of the unbearable pain and then suddenly I could not recall anything – I guess death is really the end of pain. There were no visions, no bright lights, no clouds, no stairways, no other realm, no other world, not even sea of fire. Unlike those near death stories, mine was not focused on what I saw but what I learned from that 8 minutes of no heartbeat.

Yes, 8 minutes of no heartbeat. No vision of heaven at all and yet the moment I opened my eyes, I saw angels in white uniform and white coat, I saw God weeping for me through my family who were there at that moment, I heard His voice – telling me, “dear daughter, you were given another life so make a little heaven, live, and make someone feel better.

I didn’t see any bright lights but that 8 minutes of darkness brought me to a different dimension. It is not what we see when we die but what we do with our lives in preparation for eternity.

Neither clouds nor stairways – what is heaven like? Is heaven real? that 8 minutes of no heartbeat and then was revived in time, I believe there’s a purpose or a reason for everything. Heaven is just waiting out there, but we can be someone’s heaven, someone’s angel, and someone’s blessing making them feel that heaven is real. That we live in a chaotic world but we can be an answer to someone’s prayers.

There are no other realms, no other world, not even sea of fire because we have the power to choose. We can live miserably, we can choose not to live, but we have the control, while we are alive, while we can – we can always choose to live happily and be at peace with anyone. We have the power to heal and the power to bring healing to people’s lives.

I am truly grateful for that experience – it is an experience worth sharing. Something worth remembering.

Trials are like tumors in different forms and we have to embrace the nature of its malignancy. Things can go wrong but if we dwell on it for so long, we’ll surely miss the beauty of life.

Death is beautiful – there is nothing to fear. But let’s wait for our time and prepare for it. Make most of our lives and be an inspiration to everyone. We always have the choice even at the point of death. September is Lymphoma awareness month and also my birth month – got so many things to celebrate. But if there is one thing… just one thing to be victorious about… that is my gift of life. Thank you for the time and for reading my post and May God bless us all.

© quirkyshine

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And August Was His Name… 

August…

Heart drowned in disdain…

When July tore my pride to pieces,

The summer dews like tears of June,

Await to fall on mid September

My love will stay as cold as winter,

Missing your smile that springs eternal hope

Be nice to me dear August…

In your arms, I want to rest.
(c) quirky

~This is Life~

It’s quite hard to serve two masters at the same time. At some point I have to make a decision and have to let go of something that I really love to do. I have to give up on one dream in order to cater what is really needed as of the moment. 
Okay… okay… fine! I am not really giving up nor ditching some good opportunities but maybe putting that dream on hold. My wise old man archetype is telling me that “hey! Wake up to reality and move in to that direction – pointing to that other door”. 

Should I follow that realistic intuition? What’s behind that door? A good life? Travel opportunities? Happiness? Career? Love?  Heaven? God knows how much I wanna invest on genuine happiness and with the all the gifts and talents He bestowed upon me, I wanna use it for His glory.

“For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.” -Matthew 25:29
“In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.” Sheldon Kopp
I am indeed accountable for my future and for all the blessings I received from God. And so here I am – about to open that door. One day my bucket list will start checking itself because I made the right choice. 

So am taking a long hiatus from writing as I am patiently building another empire for my other dreams. The title, the job, the places I wanted to visit, the stories I wanted to write, the happiness and peace inside my heart… one day… one day… that door… that door… will open…
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“This is Life!”
(c) Quirkyshine 

Forgiveness in My Pocket

Life has been very tough and there are people I wanted to forget, emotional traumas to mend, and memories of friendship to bury 6 feet under. I am not a lover of vengeance yet there are circumstances that would lead me to believe in its scornful power. I just don’t know how to seek revenge.

I grew up having some attachment issues to deal with but I was able to manage it out of my system. I was able to let go of people and yet preserve those good memories with them. That’s a good exercise for the heart.

The truth is I am tired of this cycle – tired of being someone’s mistake. Their wrong perceptions and false accusations about me have become my spiritual downfall.  Why? What have I done to these people? I am not supposed to be petrified of their misjudgement (especially when they are not real) but I care too much that I allowed them to break me.

People do change – but why am I involved in their own issues? Some people will never understand how I live my life and why I kept loving and trusting these wrong people. Should I retract when they hurt me? Should I hide from my own truth? Who holds the truth? I believe there is a God who knows every detail of my journey. I trust His plans for me and there is a reason why some friendships don’t last a lifetime. But there is nothing more painful than being betrayed by the person you really trust. Isn’t it unfair? that some people would go against their sanity and create a monster image of me in their minds. How am I supposed to defend myself? I wonder what to do with these people. I know goodness will prevail and I am waiting for that day – waiting for that moment that the Holy Spirit will touch their hearts. However, I need to let go of them, not that I despise them, but out of my great respect for the wonderful times we had. It’s a waste of time to hate and I can let go of it easily.

Right now I feel like running away – away from this terrible world, away from all social-media dramas and just be productive most of the time.  There is love when you forgive. There may be some limitations to it – you forgive, you let them go, but never allow the behaviour of others to affect your inner peace. Stop blaming yourself for their unwarranted character instead move forward and learn from that experience. Keep praying and meditating for yourself, for others, for the people around you, and for your future relationships. Allow peace to reside in your heart and pull out forgiveness when you need to.

There is more to life than our failed relationships/friendships, remember the Buddhist proverb it says

“Like a lotus flower that grows out of the mud and blossoms above the muddy water surface, we can rise above our defilement and sufferings of life!”
Forgive, forget, and forever shine like a lotus flower.

©Quirkyshine

~It’s You~


Please, don’t  be just a memory…

Silent wishes of the heart

Hoping this love will last

Forever, for keeps, for life

Eternity is not enough

Yes, it’s you… I want

To have

To hold

In craziness and

In sanity

It’s you… I need

My unfeigned reflection

My heart keeper

My emotional balance

It’s love… I’d die for

And you know how much I love you

It’s happiness…I yearn for

Every second, every minute, every hour…

With you 

It’s your smile… I don’t want to miss in the future

I’d give up riches and fortune

To try my luck and bet on you

It’s you… It’s  you…

I ever dreamed of 

In all tomorrows

In every sunrise and sunset

In all good night kisses and morning tickles

It’s  you… it’s you…

A reality I fantasize all day

The truth I’d hope to hear

The doubt I’d like to believe

Please, don’t be just  a memory…

It’s you… it’s you

My happily ever after
(c) quirkyshine